About Me

Entering my first year of teaching. I majored in marketing, because I'm mentally wired for business, but emotionally wired to work with people. I decided to teach because over the course of 6 months, I lost a sister, nephew, cousin, and best friend/first crush to murder. My mission as a teacher is to touch a kid's life in a way that shows them they don't have to be like those who took my loved ones' lives. Opening the world to them and bringing Him glory... two birds, one stone.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Waiting on the World to Change



Nelson Mandela is one of the most famous political activists of all time. He has transcended the role of politician and is admired worldwide for his belief in doing what is right. He was imprisoned because he refused to lie complacent while South African, the country he loved, was torn apart by injustice. He was willing to be jailed for his convictions and spent 25 years because he was unwilling to compromise on those convictions. His dedication and sacrifice paid off eventually. Four years after his release from a South African prison, he became the country’s first Black president. The following Aha moments come from his inaugural speech in 1994.

AHA #1: We have triumphed in the effort to implant hope in the breasts of the millions of our people.

I feel there is a sense of hopelessness raging through the next generation. This is why I chose to teach. Whether they are poor, minority, or growing up in a desolate environment (many of my students fulfill the trifecta), this generation has had little guidance. Logically, a lack of guidance would make one think there is nothing to which they should look forward. There is no vision. There is a profound lack of hope. As discouraging as this is, these kids aren’t irrational for being hopeless. Why would one need hope if they feel they have no future? Hope can only be appreciated by those who value their future, and can measure it with substantial goals and dreams. Hopelessness is why students like mine choose lifestyles that lead them on a path to self-destruction. My overarching goal as a teacher is to improve kids’ academic achievement in order to positively redirect the trajectory of their lives. I plan to do this by showing students that they have a future, and therefore, a reason to be hopeful. I have yet to triumph; however, the good things is, I do have “yet.”

Aha #2: Our daily deeds as ordinary South Africans must produce an actual South African reality that will reinforce humanity's belief in justice, strengthen its confidence in the nobility of the human soul and sustain all our hopes for a glorious life for all.

Being a teacher is not just a day job. As a teacher, I’m careful to note how my actions affect my students. In the same vein, I pay more attention to how I interact with people who aren’t my students. Excellence, compassion, patience are all habits that need to be practiced even when I’m not in the classroom. If I am habitually excellent, compassionate, and patient, I’m on my way to being a true reflection of Christ. I’m rooted in Him. Because of that, I have a purpose and passion to instill hope. Teaching is the best vessel for this because it allows me to impact students on many levels. I can guide them academically. I can nurture them by listening to them. I show them I care. I can help build their confidence by showing them I won’t give up. I tell them I believe in them. MTR works with the whole person in order to make a better teacher, and I see why. My everyday actions help show the world that these children are worth it. My willingness to sacrifice, my desire to be a better person for at least their benefit, meekly validates their right to a better life.

Aha #3: The time for the healing of the wounds has come. The moment to bridge the chasms that divide us has come. The time to build is upon us.

The saying goes, “Idiocy is doing the same repeatedly and expecting different results.” I’m not out to call anyone an idiot; I know there have been ardent strides in education reform. I realize that there are good teachers who really want to see their efforts make a difference. I’m inspired by the fact that education reform has the spotlight, but I find no ease in it. People in poverty, minorities, and those without access to good teachers have been enslaved in hopelessness for too long. The playing field has not been leveled. I am convinced that education is an equalizer. It used to be that one’s skin color or some other type of discrimination was a viable barrier to success, and people would have to be realistic when setting goals, even dreaming. Everything’s not perfect, but the excuse that one’s race will hold them back is no longer substantial. If I can get the message across to my students that the world is theirs, and that a good education is just the start of seizing it… Well, I’m exactly sure what will happen when they realize this, but the results will be phenomenal… So phenomenal, I have no words to describe my anticipation of it.

John Mayer’s song “Waiting on the World to Change” was playing as I typed this paper:

Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it
It's hard to beat the system

When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change

I used to relate to this song, but I don’t any more. We can’t wait. The time has come. Nothing will change as long as we do nothing. MTR is filled with people who desire to be the change they wish to see. Mandela said it: “We understand it still that there is no easy road to freedom. We know it well that none of us acting alone can achieve success. We must therefore act together as a united people.” We all know there is no reason to be frustrated or to feel as though it can be done. As Reverend Kyles said, “Because God is who He is, as long as we don’t give up, we will win.”

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

All I Need

I didn't get much hands on interaction with the students today. They were at their desks with laptops in front of them, doing career assessment tests. I did have a riveting moment during bell work, though. The students were prompted to write about their first day at their ideal jobs. One student, the brilliant girl who won't be able to attend college here because she is illegal, blew me away. She described her first day as a kindergarten teacher. She literally painted a picture for the class, with phrases like, "cries of excitement and tears of fear," "jumbo crayons made for tiny hands," "assuring parents and children alike that everything will be okay." When she was done, the entire class applauded her. One classmate said, "Now THAT was hard!" 'Hard' means she really really liked it, and so did the huge grin she had on her face. The future kindergarten teacher also turned in her outline for her college essay. She's going to discuss the strength she has knowing that she is illegal, that she lives in a country that doesn't owe her anything, and will receive no benefits, no matter how hard she works. And she works so hard. I admire her so much!

Another great moment I had was when one student chose a topic I had suggested to him: "My Life in Africa." I'd told him he'd write a powerful essay with that topic, and he fought me on it at first. He said, in his beautiful French accent, "I can't write bout that, Mih Weavah. It touch my heart, too much." I told him that struggle really stands out to college admissions panels, and that his unique story, no matter how painful, wouldn't be like the other thousands of people applying to college.

I came back from two days of professional development and MTR activities, and I saw he had completed a wonderful essay while I was away. This was the same student I talked to about whether he should go straight to college, or try to make it playing professional soccer overseas in order to help out his mother. I feel like the time I took to talk to him about his goals helped give him a little more strength to pour out the pain that echoes in the essay he wrote. I'm starting to experience the power of relational capacity very intensely. Like Flip Flippen (yes, that's his real name, google him,) says, "If you have a child's heart, you have his mind." This kid is no child, he's 19, actually. But he would have written another "I love soccer" essay that would have gotten tossed to the side if I hadn't been adamant about letting him know his story was meaningful. It took strength and courage for him to share what he did in those 500 words.

This is what I've been looking forward to. Being an inspiration is one thing, but to be inspired by my students gives me so much... *snaps finger repeatedly* I can't figure out the word. I guess fuel is the best way to describe it. People look at Memphis City Schools' kids and don't think about how much they can do, and they really don't think about how much these kids want out of life. Maybe that's why these students are pushed to the side... I'm going to make sure they're not overlooked anymore. Even the ones that don't yet realize how potent their dreams can be deserve this attention; if I can do anything to help them get closer to their almost palpable dreams, I am more than willing.

Many more of them turned in their rough drafts for their college essays. I had to keep myself from reading them during my planning period. I want to really devote some time when editing their papers, and make sure I really read them before I start making corrections. I was saving them for after dinner, kind of like dessert!

I've really found my passion. I want to do any and everything I need to so that I am the best servant to Christ and these children. With that said, I know there are serious changes I need to make. I need to plan better so that they get the best lessons possible. I need to stop procrastinating so that my mind is as clear as it can be. I need to make myself more available in general; this means getting rid of clutter and distractions so that I'm always ready to perform at my optimal level. I'll use the word my KK teacher 6 years from now used to describe the most recent part of her life in her outline: enlightened.

I'm still excited.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Heart of the City...

xReverend Billy Kyles came to speak to us at MTR today. He told us the story of his grandson Quinn. Quinn needed a heart transplant before he was even born; his heart needed to be completely replaced because it couldn't be fixed. The insurance company refused to pay for the procedure. At the time, it was considered "experimental." There was only a 40-day window to perform the surgery, and the monumental cost loomed over Quinn's family.

Word spread about Quinn's heart, and people poured money in. There was going to be enough to start paying for the surgery. But, all the money was useless until a heart was found.

Then, a couple was losing their little child. Like I said, Quinn's story had spread, and this couple knew about his situation. They contacted the Kyles, and told them they wanted Quinn to have their baby's heart.

Quinn was delivered and rushed to another hospital in the same city. The operation was performed, successful and everything seemed like it would be okay. Just when it seemed like it was all over, the doctors needed to tell the Kyles family something....

They didn't want a dime for the procedure. At this point, Rev. Kyles said, "And those doctors.. had teachers!"

Reverend Kyles says he didn't see his grandson's face until Quinn was about a year old. They kept it covered so he wouldn't catch anything.

The mother who gave her dying child's heart to Quinn kept in touch with the family. When Quinn was about three, he would play with the mother, as happy and active as any other three year old. At this point in the story, Rev. Kyles paused and said, "She would put her ear to Quinn's chest.. and listen to the heart of her little baby."

I cried like one right then. I wasn't embarrassed at all either. Just when I thought I didn't have a heart, it took a child who almost died because he needed one to show me I did.


LA Times, 1991: Full article about Quinn. He's 18 now, in his first year of college.


Monday, September 13, 2010

On to the Next One

...Sounds so harsh. I don't mean for it to, but it's the best title for this blog considering the theme.

I heard Break Even by the Script as it came on my John Mayer Pandora station. I've heard the song a million times before, but this time, I really listened:

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a god that I don't believe in
Cause I got time while she got freedom
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But not wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cause she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cause when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

I really felt for him for the first time.

I had no regrets, but I just felt bad. I've never really been dumped. Rejected? Definitely. I've not ever been dropped from a relationship in which I was invested.

I do have a heart. I honestly didn't think I did. (see here) One of my exes called me a RoboCop. I can take that. I don't experience any emotion deeply. Sympathy is the most difficult. I hate for people to feel sorry for me, so I struggle with pity.

One thing that scares me about myself is my skill at instant detachment. I don't get my feelings hurt because I've usually committed an emotional retreat before a guy I like has the ability to hurt my feelings. Notice I didn't say hurt me. My feelings and my "me" are two separate entities.

I feel for the guy. However, I know I made the right decision. As my girl Duffy would say: "I know it's wrong/hanging on too long."

I'm fine with a clean break, but I'm not ready to be anyone else's girlfriend. Problem is, that's all I know how to be. The malignancy of this causes a painful pull on my heart, and I try to self-medicate. The prescription? Flirting, random dates, and clubbing. When deep down...

...I just want to make out, with cuddling as a segue into the best.... sleep I know.

I've got to learn how to date myself. I like me pretty well, so this should be interesting.

Cheers to upcoming nights spent with self, being wooed with wine, and becoming a somebody somebody can love.

Dumb It Down

Lately, I've been doing too much "not listening."

A couple weeks ago, I prepared the first test for my seniors. It was over vocabulary. Here's the objective/lesson plan (all in one sentence. Impressed? You should be.)

"Today we are going to abolish cacophonous vernacular and become autonomous logophiles."

Of course the kids didn't get it at first, but after some practice and homework, they were well on their way to becoming word aficionados. They used the words and stems of the words very well, and understood that the words were all built out of stems.

So it came time to test them. I made a relatively hard test. It seemed like most of my colleagues screwed up their faces when they looked at the test. The test was built like this:
  • "Tell me what this stem means" (Simple memorization)
  • "What do you think this [new word] means based on your knowledge of the stems" (Is analysis too much to ask?)
  • "Translate this sentence using your own words" (Heaven forbid I ask them to use their new knowledge practically).

A few teachers looked at it, and said you may want to change *cue red marks on my test draft.* They were simplifying my test. If I were my student, I'd be insulted with a rudimentary test. It doesn't tell me that they've learned more than just the words. I want them to be flexible readers, and attack unfamiliar words knowing these stems. Not simply recall words they memorize.

I gave them the test with no corrections.

98% got A's.

'They told me I should 'come down, cousin!' But I flatly refused, I ain't dumb down nothin'."